Becoming Mom • Artist

I used to dream so much about this. Now I have it, and I’m aware of it. I feel something so strong, so deep, that it can’t be put into words, but I’m 100% sure it’s exactly how I want to feel always. I want to enjoy all of my facets without any pressure.

The first few months after Elena was born, I felt like I was “behind,” like I wasn’t being productive, and a part of me, even though I was fully enjoying my baby, felt like I should be creating new work, working more on the website, etc. Finally (and thankfully!), I decided that it’s okay. That giving myself all the time I need to return to painting is more than okay. That not being present here on this account so I can be fully present with my baby will ALWAYS be MORE THAN OKAY.

Elena is almost 7 months old now, and last week was the first time since she was born that I started painting on a large canvas again. This time the work has been different, and I’m loving the way it has been.

My daughter has given back something I once had and felt I had lost a little: slow living.

I’m creating this painting without rushing and without limiting myself to just one style. I’m painting with the flow. The process is slower now. Sometimes the canvas is for painting, and sometimes it’s for playing with shadows or for Elena to explore textures. My daughter gave me back painting for pleasure — something that sometimes, when it’s your job, you lose a little bit of… How beautiful that someone so tiny, in such a short time, can teach you and give you so much. My little sunshine girl ☀️